In this week’s Poop Scoop, we actually discuss poop. Go figure.
If you train with heavy weights long enough, you will eventually crap your pants. In fact, it will probably happen every two or three years. All the gym bros who have never experienced this aren’t actually training heavy. If this bothers you, bite me. If you think this can’t be true, just bear with me for a few paragraphs.
Last winter, two of my NCOs brought me into a conversation about lifting. Both were big guys, and were strong compared to most soldiers (the Army really caters to runners). One of them had lifted with me a few days back, and he was impressed with how much I could squat (which in reality isn’t that much).
The two regaled me with stories of the gyms and food available on Air Force bases during deployment (perks of being intel soldiers). The training facilities were well-designed for their environment, not wasting money or floor space on idiotic machines. There was nothing but black iron, and a lot of it. At the GAINZ FACTORY dining facility, you could have steak, relatively fresh seafood, and bottomless omelets (I promise I’m not a Chair Force recruiter). They worked 85 hours per week, but this was in 12-hour shifts spread over 7 days, giving plenty of time to eat, sleep, and train. All in all, it was a good recipe for getting strong.
As we continued talking, one of the NCOs (we’ll call him Sergeant X) asked me about my workout the night before. Unfortunately for him, I can be painfully honest…
Incidentally, my lunch hadn’t agreed with me the previous day. This caused four or five bouts of diarrhea between sets, but I still set a PR.. I told Sergeant X about this, and I expressed how thankful I was that I hadn’t crapped myself. After all, it had been almost a year since sharting my PT shorts in the bottom of a heavy squat at West Point’s Arvin Gym. As any sane man would do, I did my best to keep that from happening again. Sergeant X, however, was quite taken aback by this comment. He pressed me on it:
“Wait a minute sir…you’ve shit your pants in the gym before?”
“It’s happened once or twice. Has it never happened to you?”
“No! Absolutely not sir! Never! Shitting myself in the gym is a possibility that NEVER even crossed my mind!”
“That is why no one will remember your name,” I joked.
I’m telling this rather embarrassing story to share a disgusting truth about hard, disciplined training. This applies not just to barbell training, but running, hockey, football, cycling, ballet, or any other physical endeavor that is truly hard.
If you are a committed competitor, at some point, you will go so hard that you soil yourself. It will happen despite your best efforts to use the toilet, both before working out and between sets. Training and competing at or near limit exertion for multiple sets, multiple times a week, for multiple years, well…shit happens. For a disciplined competitor, an upset stomach takes a back seat to the day’s tasks, dignity be damned. Hell, if you ask any female powerlifting champion (discreetly and nicely), they WILL share at least one story of urine incontinence during a squat or deadlift in the past year. Don’t believe me? Look it up.
Chasing hard goals is rarely pretty or glamorous. Sharing this truth won’t win you many followers on Instagram. That’s why we have the Poop Scoop. Pissing or shitting yourself is an experience every serious trainee will go through, but the determined ultimately don’t care. You just clean up your mess, and get back to work.
Thanks for reading. Now get off the toilet.
The Poop Scoop 